Letters to Mary Jane, by Blaire Caplan
Our Letters to Mary Jane series highlights influential voices in the Black Community, providing them a prompt to express their gratitude for marijuana and how the plant is improving their lives. We hope you enjoy the "Letters to Mary Jane" series, curated by Caliva guest editor Lyneisha Watson.
Dear Mary Jane,
Thank you, MJ, from the bottom of my heart, for accepting me when no one else would. Our relationship started pretty casually over a decade ago, and over time you’ve grown to be one of my dearest friends. When my gut issues forced me to stop playing basketball in high school, even after a few surgeries and countless doctor visits, you were the only one who could make me feel better. You helped me get out of bed every morning when I physically couldn’t move without pain. Later in life, you would continue to help me get out of bed when I felt like I couldn’t do it mentally.
When it was impossible for me – the loner, the outcast, the weirdo – to make friends, you were always there for me. When I was transferring colleges, and eventually moving to a new city, you helped me move through the anxieties of new places and new people. You never judged me or made fun of me. You never told me I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with you; you were the only friend who made me feel unconditionally accepted. When I felt so alone in this world, you held me close and filled me with hope.
When I felt like there was nothing left for me in this world, you whispered, “Hang on just a little longer.” When I hit rock bottom and felt so defeated and depleted, you breathed new life into me. You quite literally saved my life. You saved me from myself...more than once. MJ, I thank you the most for the way you helped me change my perception of color. My favorite color is orange, and as a queer human being, I love me a vibrant and audacious rainbow. But the color I love the most is a rich caramel, just like my beautiful skin.
Growing up I was always too Black for the white kids and too white for the Black; too gay for the straight kids but not gay enough for the queer ones. No matter what group I tried to be a part of, no matter who I tried to be friends with, I never fit in. But I always fit in with you, MJ. You never judged me, you never called me derogatory names, you never made me feel like an outsider or like I wasn’t good enough. You never used hurtful and degrading words to make me feel less than other humans.
You accepted me, as is. And over time, because of your acceptance, I learned how to accept myself. I guess what I’m trying to say, MJ, is that you’ve helped me see colors for what they are; an infinite, multidimensional rainbow of love. You’ve helped me realize that I don’t need to embody just one color, regardless of what society likes to tell me. You’ve taught me how to embrace all the colors of the world, and all the different colors inside of me. You taught me that color in this world is a blessing, never a curse. You taught me that by embracing all the colors that make me who I am, I give permission to others to embrace all of the colors that make them who they are.
Thank you, MJ, for teaching me how to love and accept myself and others exactly as we are.
I love you, MJ. Be well and stay safe.
About Blaire Caplan
Blaire Caplan is a certified Life Designer® and mindset coach as well as the founder and leader of the community Lonewolf District. Blaire is a healing presence that serves as a guide on your personal life journey. She helps beings manifest their most authentic selves by unlocking the answers and unleashing the power from within through co-creation and Life Design.
Lonewolf District’s mission is to bring humanity back to humanity by embracing and embodying the core values of love, light, authenticity, kindness and respect.